Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Recurring Dreams

I have been having school related dreams lately, but, for some reason, in my dreams being in school always means living in the dorms, even though I won't be living in the dorms and the last couple times I attended school I didn't live in dorms. I think it must be because I feel like law school is going to take over my whole life more than school did the last couple times I matriculated.

Anyway, a couple nights ago I had this dream that I was coming back to the dorms (the dorms in this dream were the dorms I lived in as an undergrad) and coming up to the guard desk and I couldn't find my ID. I don't know if I lost it or if I didn't have it yet because school had just started, but I got delayed at the guard desk and while I was standing there talking to the guard I heard the little guy crying from my room and a woman at the guard desk heard it too. She said, "Oh, a baby!" and I said "That's MY baby!" I think at that point she let me through. Then when I got up to the floor that my room was on I couldn't figure out which room was mine. I had the room number but I couldn't decipher it, it was like 7G9 or something like that and I didn't know what it meant (not being able to find my dorm room has been another recurring theme in my dreams lately). So, I finally find the room and go in and the little guy is crying in his crib and I feel horrible for leaving him alone.

I had another dream a while back where I was living in the dorms and sharing a room with a couple other people and hubby and the little guy were not living with me and were living in separate places. The little guy was in some kind of nursery and I went to visit him there and was so sad that he was living in this institutional-type place. I remember saying, "WHY isn't there some place where we can all live together?!?"

I guess my subconscious is expressing the fear that I might be abandoning my family in some way by going to law school. I know I'm not, but I guess it's all related to what I was talking about last week -- the feeling that I won't be able to be a good mother if I am doing something else. Anyway, I know that, for me, I have to do something else or I won't be a good anything, but it is still there.

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